Funny Story of Cotton Eyed Joe

I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe

Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

Panty Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.

When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"

"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da panties, Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

Cotton joke, Panty Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

"Git yer cotton pickin hands off a my gin."

-Eli Whitney

Why is the rate of unemployed black people higher than in the 20th century?

Because synthetic cotton is more popular.

What about that new beer...

by Peter Cotton Ale? It's made with more hops!

"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." ― Ayn Rand

Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation slave owner.

Cotton joke, "A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." ― Ayn Ra

Why is there cotton on top of the pills inside a pill bottle?

To remind black people they picked cotton before they sold drugs.

After being at sea for six months

After being at sea for six months the working man heads to the local cat house. He picks the woman he wants & they go into a room.
As she is getting undressed the man starts stuffing cotton in his nose & ears.

She asks him, "What is all that cotton for?"

He replies, "There is 2 things I can't stand. That is the smell of burning rubber & the sound of a screaming woman."

A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence" says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."

Last night I dreamed about eating a huge cotton candy.

When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

You can explore cotton linen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cotton flannel dad jokes. There are also cotton puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do cows drink joke

Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.

What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?

So what do cows drink?

What's the worst part about going down on a black girl?

Cotton mouth

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

How does a black women tell she is pregnant?

When she pulls the tampon out and the cotton is already picked.

I didn't have a condom last night, so I used a sock...

She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth.

Cotton joke, I didn't have a condom last night, so I used a sock...

Scientists have created a cotton plant resistant to boll weevils.

When asked about it, they replied, "It's unbollweevible."

What's a rappers shirt made out of?

Strait out of cotton

I tried Tylenol for the first time today.

It tasted a lot like cotton.

How does a black girl know shes pregnant?

When all the cotton is picked off her tampon.

You know which presidential candidate in 2020 will have the hardest time?

Tom Cotton.

Having to tell black people to "Pick Cotton!" in 2020.

Saw a black man run down the street with a flatscreen under his arm

At first i thought it was mine,
but then i remembered that mine was chained in my backyard picking cotton

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

"Why is that cotton candy talking?"

"Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj"

You will never see a black clown at the circus...

Because they are busy picking cotton candy.

My mouth so dry...

Eli Whitney walk up on me while I'm yawning and invent the cotton gin.

I Work At Sears And Some Black Guys Came In Asking For Polyester Pants

It's weird because they usually pick cotton.

A black man walked into my store today and bought polyester pants.

Which is weird, since they usually pick cotton.

What does a vampire call a used tampon?

Cotton candy

How can you tell when a black woman is pregnant?

When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...

"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""

Now that the tide pod fad is dying down

lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.

Want to know how dark my humor is?

It picks cotton

Slave owners used to get black people to pick cotton...

now they get them to pick Democrats.

How do you turn a woman into a cotton picker?

You cut the string....

(Give it a minute)

Why do black people hate the world fairs?

To be honest I don't know. Iam too busy enjoying the cotton candy , cruises , and auctions!

My teacher in workshop laughed when I said I could make a deadly knife out of cotton...

...After I sharpened the tip, he backed down saying, "I see you've made your point."

You can't be woke all the time.

Even Fredrick Douglas wore cotton.

Boll weevils are detrimental to cotton crops. If you had to have boll weevils on your farm, which do you want, a big weevil or a little weevil?

The little weevil, because you always want the *lesser of two weevils.*

My botany professor just told us this.

I Told My Black Friend He Has a Nice Shirt

He replies saying it is made out of quality cotton.

I asked if his parents picked it out for him.

What was George Gershwin's favorite winter sport?

Fissure jumping.

(and the cotton is high)

I am so Pro-Black...

That I don't even pick cotton from an Aspirin bottle...

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.

One went all the way out to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Cotton the middle of life and death

A stalk of wheat goes in to have a sex-change operation. After hours and hours in the operating room, one of the surgeons has a slip up with the sickle they are using. Nearly bleeding out, the wheat is stitched up in the nick of time.

A few weeks later, the wheat is recounting the story to its partner, who is a stalk of cotton. They tell them the operation was worth it, and they are lucky to be a sir fiber.

Saw a massive spider in my room earlier

Named him Cotton Eye Joe, because I want to know two things...where did he come from and where did he go?!

Two weevils grew up in South Carolina

One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Why don't rabbits make noise when they're having sex?

Cotton balls.

What does a stoners mouth and shirt have in common?

They are both 100% cotton

Why can you never hear bunnies having sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

I named a Spider I found in my house "Cotton Eye Joe" because...

Because

Where did he come from

and where did he go

I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.

It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.

Why can't you hear rabbits making love?

***Because they have cotton balls.***

I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs.

They could call them Q tips

Tampons

A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton balls...and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....

Cause of death: COVID

What do you call Raggedy Ann lying face down in a gravel pit?

A dirty cotton rock sucker.

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